James Spader

My apologies to those of you who aren't Boston Legal viewers, but tonight I've got James Spader on my mind. Someone asked me today if I thought James Spader was sexy. Since I'm a big fan of his and since I'm always interested in what people find sexy, I gave it some thought. I was a little surprised to find myself answering 'no'. He's a good actor, nice-looking, a powerhouse in the courtroom - so what's missing? I think it's laughter. I don't know that I've ever seen him with a teeth-baring smile, much less cracked up with laughter.

Maybe that's just me. Laughter wasn't mentioned in the survey of what men and women find sexy, and I'm sure there are those who are turned on by the silent, brooding type. But it seems to me that fun and playfulness and the ability to squeeze every bit of joy out of life are intimately connected to our sexuality. And how can you do all that without laughing?

What is Sexy?

In a recent column, Ellen Goodman wrote, "We are...a culture that defines sexy as something seen rather than something felt." That's what makes it tough for those of us who aren't magazine cover material to feel sexy. But sexy is really about feeling confident, being passionate about life, and being able to fully inhabit our bodies - whatever shape or size. Sex connects us to our life force and creates energy and excitement.

If you want to enhance your 'sexiness quotient', work on moving more awareness into your body. Claim your maleness or femaleness and focus on your strengths. Quiet those voices that tell you you're not good enough. Find something to get excited about every day - even if it's just snagging a front parking spot at the grocery. Don't let a day go by without at least one good belly laugh. Feeling good about yourself and being energized about life may not land you on the cover of a magazine, but you will definitely be sexy!