The stereotype of married sex is the poor deprived husband always trying to 'get some' from his tired, disinterested wife. But there are plenty of households where the roles are reversed.
Men are subject to many of the same desire-killers as women: stress, resentment, fatigue, medication side effects, depression, alcohol abuse, etc. Even though men have up to 100 times more testosterone than women, they too can lose interest in sex. Men just tend to talk less about it since they may feel it reflects poorly on their manhood.
So if you're a man who's no longer in hot pursuit - or you're a woman who's no longer being pursued - you've got a lot of company. Now it's up to you to decide what you want to do about it.
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
When One Head Isn't Working....
A man came up after a workshop to speak with me privately. He was obviously embarrased and uncomfortable and I had to strain to hear him. He confessed that he'd lost his sex drive since turning 50 a year ago and wondered what was wrong with him. He'd checked out ok at the doctor, but his wife was insisting that he "do something" to fix the problem. Trouble was, he didn't know how to fix a problem he couldn't name. And he was too ashamed about having the problem to seek help.
Time didn't allow for an exploration of the possible causes of this man's sexual shut-down, but it helped him to know that he's not alone. Many men of the boomer generation are flopping - so to speak - in the desire department. We just don't hear as much about them because men feel 'unmanly' when their sex drive becomes a whisper instead of a roar. But men are subject to the same desire-killers as women: antidepressants, stress, fatigue, medications for high blood pressure and diabetes, depression, low self esteem, resentment and many others. The challenge for men is to acknowledge the problem and then to become solution-focused. The solutions may involve changes in medication, lifestyle, a relationship, work, and/or sexual activity. The latter might include becoming less orgasm focused or introducing more novelty into the sexual repertoire. In other words, men, when one head isn't working, use the other.
Time didn't allow for an exploration of the possible causes of this man's sexual shut-down, but it helped him to know that he's not alone. Many men of the boomer generation are flopping - so to speak - in the desire department. We just don't hear as much about them because men feel 'unmanly' when their sex drive becomes a whisper instead of a roar. But men are subject to the same desire-killers as women: antidepressants, stress, fatigue, medications for high blood pressure and diabetes, depression, low self esteem, resentment and many others. The challenge for men is to acknowledge the problem and then to become solution-focused. The solutions may involve changes in medication, lifestyle, a relationship, work, and/or sexual activity. The latter might include becoming less orgasm focused or introducing more novelty into the sexual repertoire. In other words, men, when one head isn't working, use the other.
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