Desire - The Brain's Interpretation

The experience of desire - even for those blessed with high desire - may not be as spontaneous as you would imagine. It's been described by some researchers as a cognitive overlay that the brain gives to the sensation of already having been aroused by some sort of physical or subliminal stimulus.

In a series of studies at the University of Amsterdam, Ellen Laan, Stephanie Both and Mark Spiering demonstrated that the body’s entire motor system is activated almost instantly by exposure to sexual images, and that the more intensely sexual the visuals, the stronger the electric signals emitted by the participants’ so-called spinal tendious reflexes. By the looks of it, Dr. Laan said, the body is primed for sex before the mind has had a moment to leer.

Interestingly enough, even low-desire people exhibit the same physical arousal patterns when exposed to sexual images as the higher desire folks. So why don't they translate that arousal into desire? More on that tomorrow.

What is Desire?

We throw around the phrase 'sexual desire' as if we're sure we're all talking about the same thing. But desire is complex, and there's a lot of variety in how people describe and experience it. Researchers in the sexuality field have spent a lot of time trying to understand and unravel the mysteries of desire.

According to sex researchers William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson and Helen Singer Kaplan, a sexual encounter begins with desire - a craving for sex that arises spontaneously and pushes a person to seek a partner. That encounter then leads to sexual arousal, followed by sexual excitement, climax and resolution.

It turns out that it frequently doesn't work that way. I'll talk about that tomorrow.

Taking A Break

I'll be out of commission for the next couple of days recovering from gall bladder surgery. The surgery went well, and I'm feeling pretty decent, but I'm not up to sexy thoughts just yet. I hope to be back on Monday.

Gaining by Losing

I'm sure I don't need to tell you how dramatically a poor body image can affect your sex life. This is more true for women than for men. The more overweight a woman is, the more likely she is to report problems with low sexual desire, difficulty with sexual performance, and lack of enjoyment. But research from the Duke Diet and Fitness Center is encouraging. Research shows that losing even 10% of your body weight can rekindle the flame.

Martin Binks, the research director, says: "We saw dramatic reductions in the number of people reporting sexual difficulty following moderate weight loss - and the most significant improvement was seen during the first three months."

So you don't have to have the perfect body or even have reached your weight loss goal - just start losing a few pounds and you may start gaining something you didn't expect.

ED Drugs - Side Effects

I recently ran across an article that addressed a question about the possibility of hearing and vision loss from the use of erectile dysfunction medications. Apparently, there have been a few instances of men experiencing a sudden decrease or loss of vision or hearing - typically in one eye or in one ear - after taking one of these drugs. However, these incidents have been so rare that a direct link hasn't been established.

With vision loss, virtually all known cases have occurred in men who had cardiovascular risk factors such as high blood pressure or diabetes. The article concluded that the potential risk of hearing or vision loss is so small that most men don't need to avoid these drugs. However, if you've experienced sudden hearing or vision loss - whether it seemed to coincide with taking an ED drug or not - it's probably best to talk to your doctor about other options for treating erectile dysfunction.

Financial Strain

Hopefully you celebrated the Derby without paying the price with a nasty hangover or an empty wallet. Now it's back to real life.

If you and your partner are dealing with financial stress, it's probably taking a toll on your relationship. The shaky economy has left many people feeling worried and depleted, and they often retreat into themselves rather than sharing the fears with their partner. But moving away from each other just intensifies the fear and sets the stage for conflict.

You're a lot better off when you get on the same side of the problem and deal with it as a team. Making time and energy for sex can help you stay connected and help you remember that you're a couple rather than two isolated individuals. Plus, sex is a good respite from financial worries - and it doesn't cost a thing.

Celebrating Yourself

Since today is my birthday, I thought I'd write a little about self-celebrations. A friend is planning a surprise for my birthday this year, but in past years, I've never left it to chance. I'd arrange lunch with a friend, a professional massage, a leisurely browse through a plant store, some time outdoors, and dinner with my husband. My birthday has always been a day for self-indulgence and self-affirmation.

Sound self-centered? I'm sure it does to some, but I firmly believe that our ability to love others begins with our ability to love ourselves. Loving our very imperfect selves is also critical to our sexuality. When you don't value yourself or feel comfortable inside your skin, it's very difficult to embrace your sexuality or to risk intimacy with your partner.

So even though today may not be your birthday, it's just as good a day as any to start celebrating yourself. You and your partner will both reap the rewards.