You might wonder how couples who have been together a long time can beat the boredom factor and keep their sex life passionate. There seem to be some factors which help keep passion alive.
First, each of the partners in the relationship needs to find ways to stay excited about life. People who are bored are usually borING - both in and out of the sack. Staying engaged with people and activities that are stimulating, challenging, and fun is an important way to hold onto passion.
Second, the couple needs shared time and shared interests to nurture their connection. Couples who enjoy each other's company, who laugh together, and who are able to work out differences rather than building resentment are the most likely candidates for holding onto a passionate sex life.
You might want to think about how you could be a more passionate individual as well as a more passionate partner.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
For Women Only
Do you wait for your partner to initiate sex, then get you in the mood, and finally 'give' you an orgasm? If you're giving the responsibility for your sex life to your partner, you're giving up a lot of power.
Try taking ownership of your sexuality. If you're usually passive, ask your partner to switch roles with you for the next two weeks and commit to being the one who decides when, where, and how the action goes down. Do exactly what you need to do to maximize your pleasure, whether that means starting the action with a slow dance, using a vibrator, being on top during intercourse, or extending foreplay. Ask your partner for what you need from him.
Taking charge in the sexual arena greatly increases your odds of having a satisfying sex life and takes an awful lot of pressure off your mate. It may just increase your desire, as well.
Try taking ownership of your sexuality. If you're usually passive, ask your partner to switch roles with you for the next two weeks and commit to being the one who decides when, where, and how the action goes down. Do exactly what you need to do to maximize your pleasure, whether that means starting the action with a slow dance, using a vibrator, being on top during intercourse, or extending foreplay. Ask your partner for what you need from him.
Taking charge in the sexual arena greatly increases your odds of having a satisfying sex life and takes an awful lot of pressure off your mate. It may just increase your desire, as well.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Why Bother? Part 3
One more plug for keeping on getting it on: Sex not only keeps you looking and feeling young, it may actually help you to live longer.
Several studies have established that sexual activity is significant in extending lifespan. One long-term study in Ireland of a thousand men between the ages of 45 and 59 found that after 10 years, the least sexually active men had a death rate that was twice as high as that of the most sexually active group even after controlling for many other differences. These Irish researchers also conducteda follow-up study in 2001 which found that men who had sex 3 or more times a week reduced their risk of having a heart attack or stroke in half. Pretty impressive medicine!
Several studies have established that sexual activity is significant in extending lifespan. One long-term study in Ireland of a thousand men between the ages of 45 and 59 found that after 10 years, the least sexually active men had a death rate that was twice as high as that of the most sexually active group even after controlling for many other differences. These Irish researchers also conducteda follow-up study in 2001 which found that men who had sex 3 or more times a week reduced their risk of having a heart attack or stroke in half. Pretty impressive medicine!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Why Bother? Part 2
In the last post, I talked about the relationship benefits of an active sex life, but there are individual benefits, as well.
Sexual activity reduces stress, improves immunity, and even provides relief from some types of pain. Believe it or not, sex also appears to help maintain a youthful appearance. In a study of 3500 men and women, subjects were viewed through a one-way mirror by a panel of judges who then guessed the age of each subject. Those whose ages were underestimated by 7-12 years were the most sexually active of all the subjects - reporting sexual activity at least 3 times a week.
Sex may not be exactly a fountain of youth, but it's certainly more fun than anti-ageing creams and facelifts!
Sexual activity reduces stress, improves immunity, and even provides relief from some types of pain. Believe it or not, sex also appears to help maintain a youthful appearance. In a study of 3500 men and women, subjects were viewed through a one-way mirror by a panel of judges who then guessed the age of each subject. Those whose ages were underestimated by 7-12 years were the most sexually active of all the subjects - reporting sexual activity at least 3 times a week.
Sex may not be exactly a fountain of youth, but it's certainly more fun than anti-ageing creams and facelifts!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Why Bother?
If you're someone who never feels any sexual urges or drive, why should you put effort into making sex a priority? Why not just give it a rest?
Let's start with your relationship. Sex is like relationship super glue. It's the one thing that makes your primary relationship different from all others. There's also a bonding chemical called oxytocin that's released when you're having sex (and when mothers are breast feeding) that builds trust and brings you closer to your partner. Let sex slip away from your relationship and emotional distance is usually not far behind. And if you're in a relationship with someone who DOES care about sex, I probably don't need to tell you that ignoring your partner's need is a surefire recipe for couple trouble.
Try giving a little extra attention to your sex life this week and take note of the fringe benefits to your relationship. You may be glad you bothered.
Let's start with your relationship. Sex is like relationship super glue. It's the one thing that makes your primary relationship different from all others. There's also a bonding chemical called oxytocin that's released when you're having sex (and when mothers are breast feeding) that builds trust and brings you closer to your partner. Let sex slip away from your relationship and emotional distance is usually not far behind. And if you're in a relationship with someone who DOES care about sex, I probably don't need to tell you that ignoring your partner's need is a surefire recipe for couple trouble.
Try giving a little extra attention to your sex life this week and take note of the fringe benefits to your relationship. You may be glad you bothered.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Love Potion #9
A lot of men feel tricked when the passionate, horny woman they fell in love with morphs into a barely lukewarm bedmate after the honeymoon is over. And a lot of women who once couldn't get enough of their man in the sack now wonder what happened to their lust. It's like it was sucked into the same black hole that swallows up socks during the drying cycle. What's up with that?
When a woman falls in love, her dopamine and testosterone levels go up. Under the influence of these chemicals, even a woman with normally low sexual desire will feel and act like a person with high sexual desire. Unfortunately, when the romantic phase of the relationship begins winding down, the chemical potion begins to wane - and female sexual interest can start falling off. That doesn't mean she is no longer in love, and it doesn't mean kissing sex goodbye. It just means that women who don't have a lot of spontaneous desire need to be more intentional about nurturing their sexuality and keeping sex a priority. It means mixing up your own love potions to keep the action going!
When a woman falls in love, her dopamine and testosterone levels go up. Under the influence of these chemicals, even a woman with normally low sexual desire will feel and act like a person with high sexual desire. Unfortunately, when the romantic phase of the relationship begins winding down, the chemical potion begins to wane - and female sexual interest can start falling off. That doesn't mean she is no longer in love, and it doesn't mean kissing sex goodbye. It just means that women who don't have a lot of spontaneous desire need to be more intentional about nurturing their sexuality and keeping sex a priority. It means mixing up your own love potions to keep the action going!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
What is Sexy?
In a recent column, Ellen Goodman wrote, "We are...a culture that defines sexy as something seen rather than something felt." That's what makes it tough for those of us who aren't magazine cover material to feel sexy. But sexy is really about feeling confident, being passionate about life, and being able to fully inhabit our bodies - whatever shape or size. Sex connects us to our life force and creates energy and excitement.
If you want to enhance your 'sexiness quotient', work on moving more awareness into your body. Claim your maleness or femaleness and focus on your strengths. Quiet those voices that tell you you're not good enough. Find something to get excited about every day - even if it's just snagging a front parking spot at the grocery. Don't let a day go by without at least one good belly laugh. Feeling good about yourself and being energized about life may not land you on the cover of a magazine, but you will definitely be sexy!
If you want to enhance your 'sexiness quotient', work on moving more awareness into your body. Claim your maleness or femaleness and focus on your strengths. Quiet those voices that tell you you're not good enough. Find something to get excited about every day - even if it's just snagging a front parking spot at the grocery. Don't let a day go by without at least one good belly laugh. Feeling good about yourself and being energized about life may not land you on the cover of a magazine, but you will definitely be sexy!
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