Is that a stupid question? Are we all talking about the same thing when we use the word fantasy? Probably not. There are lots of fantasies that have nothing to do with sex and are focused on improbable dreams of being a rock star or a lottery-winner. We all have daydreams that reflect our unfulfilled desires and secret longings. But sexual fantasies are often puzzling in that they are poorly understood and may seem completely inconsistent with what an individual might want in real life.
So I'll start with a definition - this one is from Who's Been Sleeping In Your Head by Brett Kahr: A sexual fantasy is a conscious thought or set of thoughts that contain a depiction of a sexual act or acts, a sexual scene or scenes, sexual imagery, and often sexual language, which will produce pleasurable sensations ranging from mental enjoyment to physical arousal in the genitalia. A sexual fantasy can be a fleeting thought lasting only a few seconds or can be a complex narrative that continues for 30 minutes or more. It can be accompanied by masturbation leading to orgasm, or it can occur in our minds during foreplay or intercourse with another person. For most adult men and women, the same sexual fantasy is replayed again and again.
Think your personal sexual fantasy is weird? I'll explore that topic tomorrow.
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